Dear God,
I would have thought I would be ready for this.
For 11 ½ years I have known that the cancer would eventually
take her life. For the past five weeks as
she enjoyed the care of hospice I have known that her time had come near. Together we wrote her obituary, planned the
funeral, and even went on a road trip so she could see the church and funeral
chapel where the funeral and visitation would be held. You would have thought I’d be ready.
I’m not.
Someone came
to the door the other day and I nearly said, “Hang on, let me get Shannon.” A woodpecker decided to come perch on our
deck door and I almost yelled down the hall for her to come and see. God, I can’t believe she is gone. My brain somehow knows it but by whole being
wants to wake from this bad dream and have her sitting by my side once again.
I thought I’d prepared things, but nothing prepared me for
the utter pain in my soul. Thoughts keep
flooding my mind, thoughts of things I will never do with Shannon again:
walking in the woods (hand in hand), planning the next venture for her
business, watching our son run a race, enjoy her karaoke set-up, the list could
go on and on. God, I loved her so much. How can she be gone? How can it be that I will live the rest of my
days without my best friend?
I’m trying to cling to words of hope. I know that she rests in your arms now, but I
want her in mine. I don’t want any of
this to be happening.
I know that tonight at the visitation and tomorrow at the
funeral you will surround me with your love through the arms of many, many
people. As a pastor I’ve walked with
many families through this dark journey.
This path is different. It’s my own. Words can’t describe how hard this is.
On Sunday I lost my wife.
Ben lost his mother. Life will
not be the same. God, I reach into the
darkness, hoping and praying that you are there, clinging to your promises.
Pete
We cry with you Pete. Shannon was one of the most beautiful souls I knew.
ReplyDeleteI don't know you sir, but your letter to God could have been written by me when I lost my Mom. My heart breaks for you, just as I know God will hold you throw this. God bless you and your son.
ReplyDeletePastor Pete, your church family here in Benson is always here for you and Ben. You, Shannon and Ben mean a lot to our church and we will never forget her and her smile.
ReplyDeleteDear Pastor Pete,
ReplyDeleteI know you do not know me, but I am a friend of Hannah's. When she informed me and a few other friends about your wife, Shannon, passing away, I immediately sent my thoughts and prayers toward you all. I just want you to know I am thinking of you and your family. I am here for you all, I will pray for you all, and I will always think of you. Though I did not know Shannon, I know she was a good wife, mother, friend, sister, aunt, and any other title she carried. As you well know, she is in good hands now. Remember her always, and cherish the times you shared.
In Sympathy and Friendship,
Chris Martin
My husband Jim was a college friend of Shannon's. Our thoughts and prayers are with you as you and Ben learn your new roles.
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks for you two.
ReplyDeleteOur Deepest Sympathies,
Esther and Aaron Urquhart.