Letter to God - A Morning of Hope

Dear God -

This morning I woke up with a strong sense of peace.  I can't explain it.  My wife has a short time
(days...weeks) to live.  The cancer ravages her body and she has barely eaten in days.  I watch her grow weak before my eyes.  Yet, strangely, this morning I have words of praise on my lips.

A week ago Shannon was in the hospital and I thought the end had come near.  She was in extreme pain and couldn't keep anything down.  They drugged her up to get it all under control which made her pretty loopy.  I wondered if I would ever have a normal conversation with her again.  I had to tell the doctors to give her a 'Do Not Resuscitate' arm band.  My soul ached.

But then things improved.  They got the medications under control.  She started thinking clearly.  We've able to talk and make plans.  We're getting details for the funeral pinned down and her obituary written.  She has chosen the clothes she wants to have on in the casket.  This morning she excitedly peeled the garlic for some salsa I'm making.

Yesterday we went to Rochester so she could see Good Shepherd Lutheran, the church where the funeral will be held (we are members at People of Hope which is nowhere near large enough to hold her funeral).  Shannon had never seen the church before and she was pleased with what she saw.  We then went to the funeral home so she could see the chapel where the visitation will be held and she marveled at the stained glass windows.  I assumed these would be highly emotionally charged things.  They were not.

I'm trying to figure this out.  I've had many times where the tears flowed, but for now life seems good.  Shannon is still feisty but knows that her days are short.  We're taking each of them as a gift.

I suppose the initial shock of hearing 'Your wife has a short time to live' has worn off.  We're living in the daily reality of her mortality.  What had seemed overwhelming now seems normal.

Yesterday someone dropped off some cleaning supplies with a note that included this verse from Romans 8:
If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.

 God, I know that much grief lies ahead, but for now I'll just revel in that promise.  Whether Shannon lives or dies, she is the Yours.  I am Yours.  Ben is Yours.  Thank you for the peace and hope.