Letter to God - A Wedding Ring and Facebook Status

Good morning Lord,

This morning I am holding two seemingly contradictory thoughts in my head.

-          I am now a single man

-          Shannon will always be my wife

Twenty-two years ago I made a vow to Shannon that ended with ‘’Till death parts us.”  That brutal reality has come to fruition.  One month ago this morning Shannon took her last breath.  Death has parted us.   I am no longer a married man.  That is a strange thought.

Shortly after Shannon passed away I looked online to see the ‘protocol’ for wearing a wedding ring after the death of a spouse.  Not surprisingly it doesn’t exist.  Some spouses wear their wedding rings the rest of their lives.  Others put them away.  At the time I thought that one month seemed about the right amount of time to continue to wear it.  This morning it's one month.  It seems appropriate to take it off and acknowledge my new reality.  I am no longer a married man.  Wedding rings serve as symbols of a lifelong commitment.  I have now removed mine.  The commitment has come to an end.

Last week I checked on Facebook to see how they listed my marital status.  Shannon’s Facebook page has been set to a ‘memorial’ account, so I thought that perhaps they would automatically list me as a widower.  They don’t.  Facebook assumes that I am still actively married to Shannon.  This morning I will change the status to ‘single.’  ‘Widowed’ is an option, but when I think of widowed I think of an elderly person who will be alone the rest of their life.  That’s not me.  Shannon and I had many conversations about the fact that I would remarry and life would continue.  She had no desire for me to ‘pine away’ for her.  Life moves forward.   No timetables exist for such things.

I am a single man.  It’s an odd feeling but it’s reality.

Yet I’m not single in the way I was single as a teenager.  Shannon will always remain my wife.  For twenty-two years we shared everything together.  My relationship with Shannon Marie Reuss changed me from a geeky 20 year old into the man I’ve become.  She encouraged me, supported me, loved me, lived with me, journeyed through cancer with me.  That can never be taken away or forgotten. 

Last night in conversation I found myself referring to ‘my wife Shannon.’  To do anything else would be to deny the love that we shared.   She has gone from this world but not from my heart.  While the day may come when this changes to ‘my first wife Shannon,’ the title ‘wife’ will accompany her until my dying day.

God,  I had no idea how much work it would be to try to figure these things out.  Thank you for walking with me on this journey of discovery, hope, and grief.