Accepting Mediocrity

A while back I sat through a church conference presentation that I thought would never end.  The presenter had some helpful things to say but the room drifted into a late afternoon stupor .  Hearing someone read bullet points off of a PowerPoint in a monotone proved too much.  The pain people experienced overflowed in the bitter conversation over dinner. 

“What a waste of time.” 

“Doesn't she know that she’s boring?” 

“I came here to learn, not to be put to sleep.”  

Those who knew the presenter stood up for her (following Martin Luther’s words, ‘Defend them, speak well of them, and explain their actions in the kindest way’).  “She’s a good person who loves the church and knows her material.  She obviously didn't have time to prepare.  Go easy on her.  It’s not her fault.”

A whole table full of people talked ABOUT the presenter, but not one person talked TO the presenter.  Nobody would dare do that.  It would be the height of rudeness to tell someone that their presentation was mind numbing!  As Christians we’re supposed to love and support each other, right?

That’s exactly why someone needed to talk to the presenter!   Was it loving to allow her to think she did a great job when she didn’t?  Would it be more loving to talk behind her back or to speak truth in love to her face?  If the presenter truly ‘loves the church and knows her material’ she will WANT that kind of feedback to allow her words to carry the power and insight that can change the world.

Instead, out of Christian ‘politeness,’ people chose to complain among themselves.

Recently I met with someone from an organization that embraces a brutally honest culture.  When they give a presentation people sit in the back to observe.   They take time afterwards to sit with the presenter and offer very pointed critiques to allow the presenter to do a better job the next time.  The person I met with told of his early days in the organization.  He had been assigned to observe one of the icons of their movement as she led a group.   In the feedback time that followed he simply stated, “That was the best presentation I have ever seen.  You have an amazing gift for this and I am fortunate to be able to observe.”  At the end of the feedback session, she took him aside privately and said, “If you don’t have any helpful critique for me you are of no use to me.”

This sounds harsh but every presenter in the organization sought to be the best that they could be.  If they only received sycophantic feedback then they would never have the opportunity to face their weak areas.  They would remain trapped in the same unhelpful patterns throughout their career.  They would never fully unleash all their God-given gifts.

Last year I spoke at a gathering of retired pastors.  The gathering ended with me receiving kudos from many in the room.  “Great presentation, Pete.”  “You have a lot of energy.”  “Well done.”  One response, however, stuck with me, “You yelled the whole time.  You had a microphone, so bring your voice down a bit.  It was hard to listen to you for the whole time.  I eventually tuned you out.”  His response took me by surprise.  My first thought, “How could he be so rude?!”  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized he had a point.  He wasn’t attacking me as a person.  He wanted to help me to be a better presenter.  Now, as I speak to a group, I intentionally think about the way I sound.  One person’s honest response changes how I act.  Without it, I would never have known.

Many of our churches have created a culture of accepting mediocrity.   We equate ‘what I do’ with ‘who I am,’ so any critique of my actions becomes a personal attack.  We’re willing to lie and say, “Great job” when we know it was anything but great.  We label someone ‘a jerk’ if they speak the truth…sometimes the truth that everyone else is thinking but is afraid to say.   What if we created a culture of honesty, where in love for one another we could actually talk about ways to improve? 

We’re afraid of that kind of honesty.  The sermon was terrible?  That’s OK, he’s a nice guy.  The council meeting ran way over because the president kept getting sidetracked?  Annoying, but we can deal with it.  One person completely dominated the adult ed conversation, leaving no room for anyone else to speak?  That’s just fine, we just won’t go next time.

I know full well that some people are just mean.  They go out of their way to criticize for the sole purpose of making someone feel terrible.   That’s not what I’m talking about here.  When we’re in loving relationships with each other we can be honest with each other.  We can provide praise when that’s appropriate.  We can offer critique when needed. 

God calls us to excellence in what we do.  Leaders who can’t face any critique will remain limited in their abilities and will never fully use the gifts that God has given them.  How can God’s church boldly proclaim God’s Good News to a world that desperately needs to hear it if we so willingly embrace mediocrity? 

Time for Honesty

On Wednesday morning I heard brutally honest words.  "Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return."  In a nutshell, as someone placed a cross of ashes on my forehead she told me, “You’re going to die.  Your body will decompose.  You will go back to dirt.”

Not exactly the stuff of Hallmark greeting cards…but an honest assessment of reality.

Nearly every Sunday when I worship I start the service by boldly proclaiming my failures.  Together with the whole community I tell God about my selfishness, my pride, my greed, my anger, and my jealousy.  It’s a no-holds-barred assessment of my life: I have failed God in many ways.

Followers of Jesus Christ have the freedom to express such blunt honesty. 

We live in a world that feels the need to sugar coat everything.   We want to be strong.  We want to be successful.  We want to live happily every after.  These Disney-dreams sometimes creep into our lives of faith.  We can get the impression that if only we believe in Jesus ‘enough’ then everything will go our way.  The pressure is on us to get things right so God can properly bless us.  We need the proper prayers, the proper devotional life, the proper morality.  Do these things and God will shower you with blessings.

It’s a dangerous lie. 

When our faith depends on our good actions, churches become cesspools of hypocrisy.  People dare not show any weakness in faith.  Only stories of God’s amazing power in their lives can be told (and if you don’t have an amazing story, you might try to come up with one to fit in).  Underneath the veneer of a happy smile, however, people hurt.  They doubt.  They struggle.  They don’t want to admit to any problems (other than ones in the past that they have ‘conquered in Jesus’) lest they be looked down upon and judged.  It’s a race to see who can seem the most content in their faith.  “Look at me, God.  I’m awesome.”

It’s a dangerous lie.

We are broken, sinful people living in a broken, sinful world.  That’s the harsh truth.  We have moments when we doubt our faith.  We have times when we wonder if God is even out there anywhere.  We have things that we do which we know full well are wrong, yet we can’t seem to stop ourselves.  We have illnesses that don’t heal.  We have financial problems.  We struggle to raise our children.  The list could go on and on.

Life is difficult…and then you die.  That’s an honest assessment, but it’s not the whole story.  In the midst of this life of pain, Jesus comes for you.  Jesus brings love, hope, forgiveness, and life.  Jesus knows pain, he had nails driven into his wrists.  Jesus knows rejection, his followers deserted him and his people condemned him.  Jesus knows death.  We’re not alone in this journey through life...and even into death.

It’s time for Christ’s church to proclaim the honest reality of the world.  We don’t have to ‘get it all together’ to have faith.  The only way we come before the throne of God is as unworthy people forgiven through Jesus’ death and resurrection.

I am free to hear that I am dust because of a God who redeems the dust.  I am free to confess my failures because of a God who forgives failures.  My role in faith is not to impress God with my faithfulness so I can receive a blessing.  My role is simply to walk with Jesus, in good days and in bad, in hope and in despair, when my faith is strong and when it’s struggling.  In the end, when my body goes back to dust, this is the God who will redeem me.  In the Bible Job proclaims, "After my skin has been thus destroyed, then in my flesh shall I see God."  I will die and God will continue to act.

I am free to be honest.  God knows me too well to do anything else.

Having a goal...and shooting for it!

A couple weeks ago my son Ben and I reached a goal that is out of the grasp of most people: we

completed a half marathon.  For the past several months I’ve been in ‘training mode.’  While I enjoy running year round, this is the time when I increase the number of miles I’m putting in.  I start with 5 mile runs and weekly increase to 6, then 7, up to 9 miles.  I figure that if I can run 9 miles by myself I can definitely run 13 miles in a crowd.  The training paid off.  On a beautiful day in downtown St. Paul I ran my third half marathon, finishing 8 minutes faster than last year.  I wanted to beat 2 hours, and I finished in 1:53.  Goal completed!

Some of the 500 people running that day ran with a very different goal in mind.   “The Securian half-Marathon is an official Wave 1 qualifier for the Medtronic Twin Cities Marathon.”  That means some the top runners ran this race with a larger goal in mind.  They sought to qualify to start with the elite crowd in a marathon.  I suspect that their training took a more vigorous course, as the top runner finished over 40 minutes before I did.  For every mile that I ran, he gained 3 minutes on me.  Pretty impressive! 

For me, the Securian half-marathon served as goal to shoot for.  For the top runners, this half-marathon served as a means towards a more significant goal.  For them the half-marathon was not enough: they had their eyes on a greater prize.  We ran the same race…we had different ideas of what the race meant to us. 

Different goals…different training…different outcomes

I think the same can be said for faith formation in many congregations.  People come to it with vastly different goals, seeking different outcomes.   Is it any wonder that we have a hard time agreeing on the best way to ‘train’?

• For some, faith formation means Sunday School attendance.  Having many kids roaming the halls of the church building brings satisfaction and hope.  If kids show up, the goal is complete.
• Others want their children to gain a sense of right and wrong.
• Others want their kids to know something about the Bible. 
• Others come with a goal of keeping youth engaged in faith and the church throughout their lives. 

Is it any wonder that when you bring people together with such different goals and ask the question, “What should our church do with our kids,” you get vastly different responses? 

•  Those for whom Sunday School attendance is the measuring stick will go all out to preserve the status quo while seeking to find a ‘draw’ to get kids to show up.  Perfect attendance pins used to be a draw, but they don’t seem as effective as they used to be.  If only they can find a fun curriculum then kids will flock to Sunday School once again! 
• If the goal is to grow kids with a strong sense of morality, some education needs to be coupled with opportunities for to serve in the world.  Once the kids have the proper background (i.e. when Confirmation is complete), then the necessary groundwork had been laid.    
• If Bible teaching is crucial, then the proper teachers need to be brought in to pass on that information.  You’d never expect a parent to teach calculus to their child, so why would you expect a parent to teach the Bible to their kids?  Trained leaders are good…pastors have the most training and are the best!  These Biblical stories can be taught all the way through Confirmation, but that’s enough.  Sure there are deeper levels of learning, but a basic understanding is sufficient.
• If the goal is to develop young people with a vibrant faith, the research overwhelmingly shows that the most effective way to 'produce young adults who are active and engaged in their lives of faith' is through mentoring from parents and other adults.  These parents seek opportunities for inter-generational learning so their children can be impacted by the faith of their elders.  They seek to be empowered in their own faith journey so they can share those experiences with their kids.  “If Sunday School and Luther League don’t develop kids into a life-long relationship with a living God, then scrap them!” they say.

Ben and I trained for a half-marathon.  It was enough for us!  Others approached the event with much loftier goals in their sights (and they accomplished what they set out to do).  It would have been difficult to train together given these vastly different desired outcomes.

Congregations struggle to agree on ways to raise kids in the faith because they come at it with vastly different goals in mind.  Some parents (and grandparents) are perfectly happy with the ‘old models’ because they accomplish exactly what they want them to accomplish.  Others seek much more.   It is difficult to ‘train’ together given these vastly different desired outcomes.

What ‘goals’ does your congregation have for faith formation?  Is it accomplishing what you want it to accomplish?

Rejoicing with the flu

A week ago, I’d had enough!  Five days of a major sore throat and cough led to two days

of pure exhaustion.  I barely had the energy to get out of bed. Frustration mounted, partly because I fely lousy, but more because of my ‘to do’ list.  Last week I had very few appointments on my work calendar, so I’d planned to use the week to push ahead on a zillion projects.  It was the week for me to get everything set up for the year and take care of those niggling tasks which I had been putting off.  Yet instead of energetically charging forward, I lay in bed, coughing and miserable.  In one burst of angst, I railed to my wife Shannon, “I’m so sick of being sick!  I can’t wait for this to get done.  I have things to do!”

A bit ironic to say that to someone who has had cancer (and the accompanying treatments) for over a decade. 

I knew full well that within a matter of days the virus would run its course and go away.   Shannon doesn’t have that luxury.  She lives with aches and exhaustion that comes and goes,but she never knows how long they will last.  Some are temporary.  Some hang around for a long time.  Some come back every time a new treatment begins.  I sought to ‘hurry through’ the bad times to get them over with.  She is much better at living life in the midst of it all.

For years I have told Shannon, “Don’t worry about how much you can get done.  If you feel miserable, go back to bed.  Rest and take care of yourself.  Life is more important that a to do list.”  Last week, it was time for me to listen to my own advice.   Every day comes as a gift from God, even days when we don’t get to do what we want to do.

Thoughts of the myriads of people who would choose my temporary cold over their own debilitating pain and illnessess humbled me.  One verse came to mind:

This is the day the Lord has made.  Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

How could I be glad in a day that felt so miserable?  First of all, I could enjoy the blessings of Day-Quil.  I still felt sore and exhausted, but it helped.  More importantly, I had to let go of my expecations.  My dreams of getting so much work done had to be set aside.  I just didn’t have the energy or focus to pull it off.  So instead of trying to slog through work, I curled up in bed with a cat and good book.   I napped when I felt tired.  I sent my son to pick up fried chicken for supper.  I drank hot chocolate.  I found joy in small things.

I went to bed that night with a sense of calm.  Physically I didn’t feel better, but acceptance my reality allowed room for joy.  I still wanted to get over it and get back to work, but for a moment I could pause and simply rest.  The world would still go around if I didn’t get everything done that day. 

This is the day the Lord has made.  Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

I needed that reminder.

Taking the Delorean to 2031 - What will the church look like?

Ah, 1989…the year I drove a 1979 Olds Cutlass Supreme (with vinyl top!)…the year I ran cross country to keep the basketball coach off my back...the year I received my high school diploma…the year my manager at Pamida tried to talk me out of going to college…the year I headed off to Northwestern University to start my journey towards my career as an actuary.  Times have changed!

1989 also brought about Back to the Future II.  Following up on the success of the first movie where Marty McFly headed to the past, this ‘classic’ headed twenty six years into the future, to that far-off year of 2015.  The writers had some playful ideas of the world would look like and in some ways they were surprisingly correct!  Think about what we have now:

1. Holographic/3-D movies – They are now commonplace.

2. ‘Wearable computers’ – In the movie they looked like a clunky version of Google Glass, but let’s face it, the way we use our phones these days we’re pretty much wearing them!

3. Computers that take orders using voice control – Can you say ‘Siri?’

4. News footage recorded by drones – Heck, drones can even deliver beer to ice-fishermen these days!

5. Video Chat – Actually, our version is WAY better that Marty’s!

6. Video games that don’t require controllers – Bring out the Wii!

This isn’t to say they got everything correct.  I’m still waiting for my hovercar and no, the Cubs STILL have not won the World Series.

Fortunately for me, Marty McFly just rang the doorbell.  Why don’t I hop into his Delorean, set the clock to January 9, 2031, and let you know what I find.  Back in a minute with the full report.

Wow, that was amazing!  If you’ve never done time travel, I highly recommend it.

I won’t bore you with the technology advances, other than to say that Star Trek isn’t far off!  As a ‘church guy, ‘ I was most interested to see what Christ’s church will look like around the time that I’m ready to retire.  Here are some highlights.

1. Despite all the pessimism of 2015, Christ’s church will be alive and well – Back in 2015 blogs and articles talked about the many ways that the church was dying.  I found it didn’t die (and with Christ as the head of the church, I doubted it would), but it did look much different.

2. The Christian Church will become a truly counter-cultural movement – By 2031 people will be a part of communities of faith because they choose to do so, not because anyone expects them too.  Frankly, those who make that choice will be seen as a bit ‘odd.’   Christian communities will gain followers, not by preaching on street corners or flooding the air-waves, but by caring for those in need.  Christians will be viewed as servants, not as ‘Bible thumpers.’ 

3. ‘Organized religion’ will have little sway over the political conversations.  The number of elected officials who claim affiliation with a faith tradition will plummet, with church leaders no longer able to dominate the national conversations.  The hot button issues of 2015 (abortion and homosexuality) will be a distant memory as new, secular political leaders come to the fore.     Small, faith based groups will grow increasingly shrill in their discourse, but over time they will become fringe groups and easily ignored.

4. Money collected within the communities of faith will go into serving the community – Members of these Christian communities will get excited about the ways that they make a difference in the lives of the poor, outcast, and hurting. 

5. Very few trained pastors will service an increasing number of communities of faith – With money going to the community and not a local congregation, this shift will become necessary.  The idea that a congregation must have its own pastor will disappear as impractical and expensive.  Most communities of faith will have a local leader with limited training who will not view this as a career but as a calling in the midst of daily life.   The pastor’s role will be to train and equip these local leaders. 

6. Churches will become smaller, more intimate, and meet in people’s homes – With notable exceptions of a few large cathedral style congregations, most communities of faith will no longer have the means (or desire) to meet in church buildings.  They will meet in neighborhoods and community centers.  A community of 50 people will be seen as quite large and may lead to a division into two communities of 25 people each.

7. Local communities will gather out of a need for community, not out of a need for doctrinal purity - People of many different Christian traditions will gather in local communities and will not try to decide which ‘denomination’ they should be.   They will wrestle with hard questions of faith without having to come to a simple resolution.   The need for support and community in the midst of a journey of Christian faith will trump these issues of doctrine.

8.  Denominational affiliations will be quite loose and increasingly irrelevant – The national structures that will be in place will be the ones focused on serving those in need (i.e. Lutheran World Relief).  There will be much more local autonomy, leading to a merging of many denominations into a general ‘Christian Community’ that includes a wide range of Christians traditions and backgrounds.   

The 2031 world I saw looked vastly different from what I’m experiencing in 2015, but the Holy Spirit will still be active and the Gospel will still be proclaimed.  The day of the ‘Christian nation’ will come to an end, but throughout history Christ’s church has thrived when it hasn’t had political or economic clout. 

Bring on the future!  With Christ leading the way, we’ll be just fine!

Oh, and by 2031 the Cubs STILL will not have won the World Series.  Sorry, Cub’s fans…

Advent Hope

The season of Advent is a time of darkness.

• A friend of mine struggles through infertility and the frustration that it brings.
• Larry, another friend of mine, has an adult son with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  A vibrant young man has his energy sapped.  They have traveled the country in search of effective treatments.
• My wife Shannon battles the ovarian cancer that has plagued her for the past eleven years.

As Christians, we’re free to admit the pain of this world.  Sometimes life hurts.  We acknowledge the darkness we experience.

The season of Advent is a time of hope.

• My friend and his wife prayed fervently for a child.  
• Larry and his family begged God for effective treatments.  
• Shannon and I pleaded for a cure.

For the past few weeks my daily Bible readings have spoken of hope to a people in despair.  “God has remembered God’s promises.”  “God has heard your prayer.”  “The Lord will come…”  “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness will not overcome it.”

And in this season of hope, against the backdrop of these profound promises:

• My friend and his wife remain without a new child.  Despite much effort, many procedures, and much expense, the reality of not having more children starts to sink in.  They have reached the end of the line.
• Larry’s son did not find successful treatments.  He passed away on Wednesday leaving a grieving family behind. 
• Shannon’s cancer has progressed in the past year, moving beyond the abdomen and into the lining of her lung.

The great promises of Advent can ring hollow in the midst of the pain of the world.  I thought God promised to hear our prayers! 

Perhaps we need to rethink the hope that comes in this Advent season.  We do not hope in a Santa Claus who will bring us what we ask for (if we’ve been good).  We hope in a God who lives among God’s people.  Advent is a season of waiting for God to come to us in Jesus.  This is a time of remembering that we are not alone, no matter what we endure.

• God walks with couples struggling with infertility.
• God wraps God’s loving arms around those grieving death.
• God journeys with those who live a life of chemotherapy.

We look forward to a day when Jesus will come again and bring an end to the suffering and pain we experience, but until then we simply live in hope.  This isn’t hope in a God who will wave a magic wand and ‘make it all better.’  We live in the hope of God with us in the midst of our daily struggles.

The light shines in the darkness.  That darkness seems pretty deep and impenetrable at times, but in a manger in Bethlehem, a little light begins to flicker.  Immanuel.  God with us.

I cling to that hope with my entire being.

White & Male: I've Received the Benefit of the Doubt

In my life I have generally received the benefit of the doubt.

My parents both received college degrees.  There was never a question that I would do the same. 

That’s not the case for a large percentage of the population.  Family history mattered.

In high school I decided one day that it would be fun to bring a cap gun to school (this was before the days of school shootings).  I shot teachers in the middle of class and they chuckled.  I shot other kids in the hall between classes and nobody cared, until a teacher that I didn’t know ‘busted’ me, confiscating the cap gun and sending me to the vice-principal.  I sat in his office waiting for the stern lecture and the consequences, but he just laughed and told me to take it home.  I learned that day that ‘good kids’ can get away with things that would get others in deep trouble.  Reputation mattered.

In seminary I was one of the very few members of my class to have interviewed and received a call to a congregation by the time I graduated.  Many of my female classmates had to wait much longer for a call.  Some were even offered part time positions.  I had the ‘correct’ chromosomes and faced no opposition or suspicion.  Nobody ever referred to me as the ‘male’ pastor, as if I carried the weight of an entire gender.   In the interview process I didn’t receive a single question about when I planned to start a family.  I was immediately accepted by my congregation (and congregations around).  Gender mattered.

Shortly after moving to my first congregation in Illinois I got pulled over for going 20 miles over the speed limit.    It was one of those tricky places at the edge of town where it feels like you’re in the country but the speed limit is still 35.  As soon as the lights went on behind me I knew that I would receive my first ticket.  To my surprise the officer gave me a warning and sent me on my way.  I later learned that the county dispatcher had told him that I was a pastor.  Most people would have received a ticket that day. I drove off with a clean record.  My profession mattered.

Not once have been stopped by the police for ‘suspicious behavior.’  I do not get stopped by the TSA in airports.  Apparently I don’t ‘look dangerous.’  When flying home from a conference in Denver this past summer we had to wait while Pastor Hassanally was pulled aside.  She shrugged it off as ‘they always stop someone with the name Hassanally.’  Having white skin (and a European name) matters. 

When I hear people of color teaching their children to expect the police to stop them…I cringe.  Why should skin color matter?  Apparently it does!  Arrest and incarceration rates among people of color are off the charts.  Just ask the people of Ferguson, MO.  Not everyone gets the benefit of the doubt. 

My female colleagues talk about having to prove themselves to people in their congregations because of their gender.  A powerful male pastor is considered ‘assertive.’  A powerful female pastor is spoken of in much less complimentary ways.  Only in the past couple years have I seen a significant number of women become senior pastors in this area.    Not everyone gets the benefit of the doubt.

All through my life I have worked very hard to succeed.  I view life as a game to win, and I’ve done pretty well, but it’s easier to ‘win’ when the game is set up in your favor.  I’ve lived a life of privilege that a vast number of people in this country (and world) can only dream of. 

We live in a culture of systematic racism and sexism.  While we’re quick to condemn out-right racist or sexist comments, we’re much more comfortable living with a system that gives the benefit of the doubt to some and that forces others to have to prove themselves as worthy.   I’ve always received that benefit of the doubt.

The hard question is not, “Who is a racist?” or “Who discriminates on the basis of gender?”  Well intentioned people can find themselves playing out a societal narrative of discrimination.  The issues run deep, to the core of the fabric of society.

As a white male it can be easy to think that we live in a ‘post-racial’ and ‘post-gender’ society.  Nothing can be further from the truth.  It’s time for an honest conversation about race and gender in our nation.  The protests of recent weeks have displayed the deep pains of huge swaths of our culture.  People’s wounds cannot simply be ignored.  God's children suffer!

I don’t have amazing solutions to these troubles, but I do know that sweeping them under a rug and pretending that all is well is not acceptable.  

As many of you as were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 3:27-28)