A while back I sat through a church conference presentation
that I thought would never end. The
presenter had some helpful things to say but the room drifted into a late
afternoon stupor . Hearing someone read
bullet points off of a PowerPoint in a monotone proved too much. The pain people experienced overflowed in the
bitter conversation over dinner.
“What a waste of time.”
“Doesn't she know that she’s boring?”
“I came here to learn, not to be put to sleep.”
Those who knew the presenter stood up for her (following
Martin Luther’s words, ‘Defend them, speak well of them, and explain their
actions in the kindest way’). “She’s a
good person who loves the church and knows her material. She obviously didn't have time to prepare. Go easy on her. It’s not her fault.”
A whole table full of people talked ABOUT the presenter, but
not one person talked TO the presenter.
Nobody would dare do that. It
would be the height of rudeness to tell someone that their presentation was
mind numbing! As Christians we’re
supposed to love and support each other, right?
That’s exactly why someone needed to talk to the
presenter! Was it loving to allow her
to think she did a great job when she didn’t?
Would it be more loving to talk behind her back or to speak truth in
love to her face? If the presenter truly
‘loves the church and knows her material’ she will WANT that kind of feedback
to allow her words to carry the power and insight that can change the world.
Instead, out of Christian ‘politeness,’ people chose to
complain among themselves.
Recently I met with someone from an organization that
embraces a brutally honest culture. When
they give a presentation people sit in the back to observe. They take time afterwards to sit with the
presenter and offer very pointed critiques to allow the presenter to do a
better job the next time. The person I
met with told of his early days in the organization. He had been assigned to observe one of the
icons of their movement as she led a group.
In the feedback time that
followed he simply stated, “That was the best presentation I have ever
seen. You have an amazing gift for this
and I am fortunate to be able to observe.”
At the end of the feedback session, she took him aside privately and
said, “If you don’t have any helpful critique for me you are of no use to me.”
This sounds harsh but every presenter in the organization sought
to be the best that they could be. If
they only received sycophantic feedback then they would never have the opportunity
to face their weak areas. They would
remain trapped in the same unhelpful patterns throughout their career. They would never fully unleash all their
God-given gifts.
Last year I spoke at a gathering of retired pastors. The gathering ended with me receiving kudos
from many in the room. “Great presentation,
Pete.” “You have a lot of energy.” “Well done.”
One response, however, stuck with me, “You yelled the whole time. You had a microphone, so bring your voice
down a bit. It was hard to listen to you
for the whole time. I eventually tuned
you out.” His response took me by
surprise. My first thought, “How could
he be so rude?!” But the more I thought
about it, the more I realized he had a point.
He wasn’t attacking me as a person.
He wanted to help me to be a better presenter. Now, as I speak to a group, I intentionally
think about the way I sound. One person’s
honest response changes how I act.
Without it, I would never have known.
Many of our churches have created a culture of accepting
mediocrity. We equate ‘what I do’ with ‘who
I am,’ so any critique of my actions becomes a personal attack. We’re willing to lie and say, “Great job”
when we know it was anything but great.
We label someone ‘a jerk’ if they speak the truth…sometimes the truth
that everyone else is thinking but is afraid to say. What
if we created a culture of honesty, where in love for one another we could
actually talk about ways to improve?
We’re afraid of that kind of honesty. The sermon was terrible? That’s OK, he’s a nice guy. The council meeting ran way over because the
president kept getting sidetracked?
Annoying, but we can deal with it.
One person completely dominated the adult ed conversation, leaving no
room for anyone else to speak? That’s
just fine, we just won’t go next time.
I know full well that some people are just mean. They go out of their way to criticize for the
sole purpose of making someone feel terrible.
That’s not what I’m talking about here.
When we’re in loving relationships with each other we can be honest with
each other. We can provide praise when
that’s appropriate. We can offer
critique when needed.
God calls us to excellence in what we do. Leaders who can’t face any critique will
remain limited in their abilities and will never fully use the gifts that God
has given them. How can God’s church
boldly proclaim God’s Good News to a world that desperately needs to hear it if
we so willingly embrace mediocrity?
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