Feeling Unwelcome

A number of years ago, while I served as pastor in Benson, IL, I received a call that Jeannie, a member of the congregation had been taken to the hospital and placed in ICU.  As was my custom I headed to Peoria to have a word of prayer with her, but when I got to the ICU a large sign hung on the door, “No admittance…emergency in process.”  Obviously something serious had happened on the unit and they didn’t want visitors getting in the way.  I stood there for a bit, trying to figure out what to do.  I had driven for 45 minutes to get to the hospital so I figured I’d wait it out and get my chance to see Jeannie.  As I stood there killing time, a nurse stepped through the door and noticed my clergy collar and suit (yes, I do wear them on occasion!).  “Reverend, what are you standing out here for?”  I pointed to the sign and asked how long it would be before I could go pray with Jeannie.  She turned around and opened the door, “This sign doesn’t apply to you.  You’re welcome on this unit any time.  We need people like you.”

We pastors often receive this kind of welcome.  The title before my name (and the shirt that I rarely wear) opens many doors.  I’m invited into more homes than most people.  I often have the opportunity to join people for lunch at work.  People go out of their way to introduce me at social functions. Pastors are public figures who get welcomed in many ways.

There are times, though, when being a pastor becomes a barrier.  People assume that I must be ‘some religious weirdo’ and they don’t know what to do with me.  One of the places I’ve felt this the most keenly is at wedding rehearsal dinners.  Over the nearly sixteen years of my ministry I have performed many, many weddings for couples that I didn’t know all that well.  Following the rehearsal I often join the family for a night of celebration prior to the wedding day.  What happens is that I end up in a room of people that I barely know.  I may know the couple getting married or their parents, but this is their special night.  Family and friends abound.  The pastor is not in that inner circle.  When I take my assigned seat I find myself sitting by people who only know me as ‘the odd pastor they got stuck sitting by.’  People are well meaning…they intend to be welcoming and inviting, but the reality is that they came to the rehearsal dinner to have a fun night with their family and friends…not to sit by this guy they don’t know.   What do you talk to a pastor about anyway??  People often seem guilty to have a drink in their hand (apparently not noticing the beer in front of me).   It’s awkward all around.  I am often glad to bring Shannon along because at least then I have someone to talk to.  I can feel like I am crashing someone else’s party.  I don’t quite fit in.

When we don’t feel welcomed somewhere, we often won’t return.  It’s a very uncomfortable feeling that we want to avoid at all costs.

Every church that I’ve ever been a part of talked about being friendly and welcoming.  People would never feel uncomfortable like this at OUR church, would they? 

Believe it or not, they do.  Folks walk into a church building for the first time and feel out of place.  They likely don’t know people.  They’re not sure where to go.  They don’t know the routines.  Clusters of people gather around, laughing and joking.  Everyone else seems to know each other.  A designated ‘greeter’ may hand out a bulletin or something, but that’s about the only interaction.  They find a place in the worship space, not sure if they are taking someone’s seat or not.  Within the first two minutes they have made the decision that this is not a welcoming place.   It’s a very uncomfortable feeling that we they to avoid at all costs. 

After the service, during the hospitality time, they sit at tables by themselves, again watching people find friends and catch up on things.  They feel like a pastor at a wedding rehearsal dinner…there is a party going on but they are not a part of it.

When a conscious effort is not made to welcome folks, they quietly slip away.  While a few will stand up and fight to get included in ‘the group,’ many more will just give up, thinking, “If you don’t want me, I’m not going to bother.”

Last Sunday I received word that there have been families who quit coming to Peace because they did not feel welcomed.  Perception is reality…if people don’t feel welcomed, we can talk until we’re blue in the face about how nice we are as a community of faith, but in the end it rings hollow. 

This is a wake-up call for this ministry.  This WILL change!

This Sunday, come and find someone you don’t know.  Introduce yourself.  Say hello.  Learn about who they are.  You may realize that this person has been a part of Peace for a decade.  If so, you just got to know someone new in your life.  You may find someone visiting for the first time.  If so, the love of Jesus flows through you to welcome them into the community. 

If people don’t feel like they belong they will not return.  While we may feel uncomfortable talking to people we don’t know well, do we let that excuse drive people away? 

This isn’t a wedding rehearsal, intended only for family and friends.  We don’t have a ‘No admittance’ sign at our doors.  This is a public place of worship where God invites all people.  We claim that this is important to us.  It’s time to act like it.