Why did I do that???

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. (Romans 7:15)

Last Saturday noon I found myself on the road, heading back from my brother’s house.  My internal stomach clock realized that food would be a good idea!  As I pulled off the highway to get gas the battle began.  The window of the gas station housed a Subway banner.  Right next to the gas station a large McDonalds loomed.  What to do?

I pondered my options.  Right now I’m a part of a Blue Cross & Blue Shield ‘Go Challenge,’ where for four weeks I track what I eat, how much I exercise, and how much I find time to care for myself.   The ‘Go Challenge’ pulled me towards a nice 6” chicken sub piled high with veggies.  I’d be able to get a star for my efforts!  The sub on the banner sure looked tasty.  I knew it’s what I needed to do.  I actually took two steps towards the door of Subway before I stopped.  Those Golden Arches called to me.  A chocolate shake!  MMmm…  There’s not much that I like more than drinking a chocolate shake while driving.  I’d had a late breakfast.  Surely I didn’t need a whole sandwich!  I could just have the shake and call it lunch.  I got back into the car and headed to the McDonald’s drive-through.  Just a simple chocolate shake and I’d be on the road.  But, as I stopped to order, two beautiful Filet ‘o Fish sandwiches filled the drive-through sign.  I could almost hear them calling to me.  They soon found their way into my front seat.

An hour later, the gut busting reality hit me.  I’d done it again. I knew exactly what I should do.  My pants have grown tighter lately and I’ve vowed to do what it takes to rectify that.  So much for that vow!  It’s not that I quit wanting to eat properly…I just didn’t do what I knew that I wanted to do.  I wanted to eat the sub.  I ate the shake and fish (and felt the queasiness of all that grease).  Perplexing, isn’t it?

For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

My poor choice made me face the reality that I could not fight this fight alone.  I needed help!  I couldn’t count on my own willpower. I needed to be accountable to someone.  I’ve now enlisted my wife’s help in my battle for healthy eating.  I’ve simply asked her to help me do what I know that I want to do.  Knowing that I’ll have her to answer to if I come home with another McDonald’s bag helps me to choose wisely!  I know I’m not alone in my battle.

It’s so tempting to think that we can fight temptations on our own.  We can’t.  We have things that make us angry with ourselves…but we do them anyway.   When these temptations remain hidden they can overwhelm us.  When we bring them to someone else’s attention we can get the support that we need.  God doesn’t call us to live as solitary creatures.  God has given us friends and family for support, to help us to do what we want to do (but can’t seem to bring ourselves to do).

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? ²⁵ Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! (Romans 7:24-25)