Facing Reality

On one morning back in February of 2004 my family’s life changed forever.  My wife Shannon felt a couple lumps by her hip and decided to go have it looked at.  I took her to our local clinic (which just so happens to be Mayo Clinic) and at first they assumed that she had a hernia , ordering a scan to verify it.  The next day, after the scan, we were quickly called back to the clinic with a diagnosis that we didn't want to hear: ovarian cancer!

We had moved to Minnesota only a couple months before.  We had a son in kindergarten and a growing business to tend to.  I was just getting started at a congregation that still worshiped in a gym.  We didn't have time for cancer…but we had no choice!  Our reality changed that day and we quickly acted to do something about it.  Surgery and some nasty chemo followed and we thought we were on the road to ‘normal’ life again.  Things looked good…until the cancer returned in six months.  More surgery…more chemo…more hope that it would all just go away.   It didn't.  We finally had to admit to a new reality: a reality that included ovarian cancer and chemotherapy for the foreseeable future.  We could have pretended that the cancer didn't exist.  We could have just gone on with life as if nothing had changed, but that would have allowed the cancer to spread unchecked.

 

For these 10 years we've been blessed to have Dr. Prema Petthambaram in charge.  Cancer is a slippery thing.  Shannon would go on a new chemo and it would work fabulously…for a while.  Eventually the cancer would mutate  just enough to avoid the drug.  Her cancer counts would go up.  The tumors would grow.  Dr. Peethambaram knew this cycle well and always had another type of chemo up her sleeve.    Sometimes we were thrilled to get off a drug because the side effects were nasty and hard to live with.  At other times it was really hard to abandon a treatment that had gone well.  It was easy to think, “It worked great for the past six months…it should still work.  Don’t stop!”  Dr. Peethambaram would explain the changes in the tumors and we knew full well that we had to move on to something new.  After each round of chemo the game changed, forcing us to something new.  Going back to an old chemo was not an option.  We had to move forward to something new.

Have I felt anger and frustration in the midst of all this?  Definitely!  Do I have anyone to blame?  Nope!  It’s not Shannon’s fault that she has cancer.  It’s not her surgeon’s fault that they couldn’t get all of it.  It’s not her oncologist’s fault that they don’t have a miracle drug to make it all better.  Sometimes things in life just stink.  It’s just reality.

Time and time again we've had to admit that we could not live in the past.  We could not go back to a time that we liked better.  We've had to face the reality of each day with a cancer that drives us forward.  It’s a reality we would never have chosen, but sometimes in life we don’t get to choose.  Our role has been to take stock of the situation and find the best way forward.    We are in God’s hands.

The same can be said of Gods church.

We look back to days when our Sunday Schools burst at the seams…when the building barely held all the people coming for worship…when new people to town sought out a local congregation and enthusiastically signed up for membership.  Some remember the days when the church held great power in society.  Sunday morning was a time for worship…and worship only.  Nobody would dare schedule another event to ‘compete’ with worship! 

Life had changed, hasn’t it?  Church membership is in decline in EVERY denomination in this country.  The Sunday School movement has lost steam with numbers plummeting in nearly every congregation.  Church’s no longer have a monopoly on Sunday mornings.  Youth sports and a myriad of other events have moved into those time slots.  Worship attendance is down across the board. 

How do we respond to these changes?  Too often congregations get into the ‘blame game.’   Perhaps it’s the pastor…or a Sunday School Superintendent…or a youth leader.  People say, “If they were just doing their job then things would be like they used to be” and “if we just did things the way we did 50 (or 5) years ago then we’d be in good shape.”   That fails to take the massive societal shifts into account.  It’s like telling a cancer cell, “You really SHOULD respond well to this chemo drug” and blaming the doctor for not having control over cancer.    Wishing doesn't make it happen.  Society has changed (like it or not).  Some of the things that the church did effectively in the past no longer have the same impact.   

God calls us to live in the reality of this day.  The ‘church game’ has changed.  God provides many good leaders who look to the future with great hope and wonderful creativity.  When the ‘old chemo’ quits working, Shannon moves on to something different.  When the ‘old ways’ become less effective, it’s time to find new models of ways to reach out with the Good News of Jesus.  I’m seeing this happen in congregations all over the place: from House Churches in Rochester to a nine week confirmation program in Eyota, from Wednesday night worship and activities to faith formation happening with whole families, from on-line financial giving to congregations with lay leaders and not pastors.  It’s an exciting time of experimentation…and the Holy Spirit leads those experiments! 

Time and time again we have to admit that we cannot live in the past.  We can’t go back to a time that we liked better.  We have to face the reality of each day with a God that drives us forward.  It’s a reality we probably would never have chosen, but sometimes in life we don’t get to choose.  Our role is to take stock of the situation and find the best way forward.    We are in God’s hands.

God has not abandoned Shannon or me in our journey with cancer.  God will not abandon God’s church in our journey in a changing world. 

Welcome to the new reality.  May God raise up leaders in God’s church to carry us into this new and constantly changing world.