Struggles With Porn - Likely This Means You!

Some troubling statistics:

·         40 million US adults regularly visit internet porn sites (that’s nearly 17% of the population)

·         35% of ALL internet downloads are pornography

·         Every second 28,258 internet users are viewing porn

·         12% of all websites are pornographic

We live in a world awash in images of sex.   What used to be relegated to girlie magazine subscriptions has burst onto the internet.  People used to have to go out of their way to find pornographic images.  With the internet they are just a click away…and sometimes they can be found without even looking for them. 

We have this image of the ‘dirty old men’ in their basements feeding their addictions, but the truth is much more troubling.

·         One in three porn users is a woman

·         47% of Christians say that porn is a major problem in their home

Think about that number.  47%!  And that’s just the families that realize there is a problem.  I’d argue that a very significant number of families don’t even know there is an issue in their household.  When we talk about porn use, we’re not talking about ‘those people’ out there.  We’re talking about people of faith.  We’re talking about people at your church.  Likely, we’re talking about YOU! 

Pornography an issue that drives a wedge between us and God.  You know it’s wrong, but you just can’t help yourself.  Porn use results in significant feelings of guilt…but its addictive nature brings you back for more.  It makes us feel unworthy of God, yet we don’t seem to be able to do a thing about it.

Sadly, most people feel that they could never admit to their problem.  They look at other ‘good church’ people and wish they could ‘be strong like them.’  They try to fight the addiction on their own, and the lack of control only serves to ‘prove’ that they are not faithful followers of Jesus.  What we need to realize is that most people around us fight the same battle.  We are not alone.  We are not hopeless.  We are broken people who need help.  I think Jesus came for people like that!

It’s the silent nature of porn that proves the most destructive, but we need not be alone!  An enormous first step is to admit to someone that there is a problem.  It’s hard but it makes all the difference in the world.  When we have someone else ‘in the know’ we have a support group…not someone to yell at us, but someone to hold us accountable to do what we want to do in the first place.

If you struggle with porn, find someone you trust and tell them about it.  Let them help you!  If you find your spouse has issues with porn, don’t kill them!  Support them.  Help them through it.  Don’t be afraid to ask blunt questions of those you love.  Perhaps you can help support them in their times of trial.   Don’t do it to judge them…do it to help!

A VERY helpful website for tips and help is www.xxxchurch.com.  It abounds in stories of normal people of faith struggling just like you.  If you don’t know where to start, it’s a great place to take the first step. 

There is hope!  Jesus came to die for porn users that they might have forgiveness (yes, that means you too).  Jesus spent his time with the ‘unworthy’ of his society.  Jesus hasn’t given up on you…but Jesus doesn’t want you to fight alone either!

It breaks my heart to know how often people wander from the faith because they feel too ‘dirty’ to be redeemed.  Let’s bring porn use out of the closet and deal with it face to face.  You are not alone!

A Needed Time for Quiet and Reflection

Last week I returned from vacation and hit the ground running!

·         I got home and headed right to the office to finish prepping things for Sunday worship.

·         On the day that we returned by aunt and grandma stopped by for a bit to pick up my uncle (who’d joined us at the lake).

·         Later that evening some good friends of ours from Illinois came for the weekend.  Thankfully the house was clean before we left for vacation!

·         Our cat developed a bladder infection, leading to many loads of laundry, carpet shampooing, trips to the vet, and administering antibiotics twice a day.

·         I had the usual fun of bill paying and budgeting after being gone for a couple weeks.

·         Shannon ended up going for her monthly chemo not just on Wednesday (all day), but also on Friday (since she had an allergic reaction to the drug…see last week’s blog post).  She then began her ‘sleepy time’ which hits after each treatment.

·         Shannon’s business launched a new website (which had been in the works since last fall), which meant many calls to our web developer to work out the bugs.

·         A magazine ad for Shannon’s business got goofed up, meaning that I had to coordinate the corrections between a graphic designer here, the magazine, and the manufacturer in Hong Kong.

·         The yard and garden made me feel guilty every time I looked at them since I didn’t have time to mow the lawn or pull weeds.

·         In the midst of it all, Shannon and I celebrated our 20^th anniversary.

Too much!  I simply ran from one thing to another, shifting gears without a clutch.  Things felt out of control.  I tried to take some time for daily devotions, but they often got hurried because there ‘was so much to do.’

Then on Thursday evening I came to Peace for the new weekly ‘Gathering for Music and Prayer.’  It took a bit, but I found that I could live in that moment.  The world slowed down.  I joined in singing simple songs.  I heard Scripture.  I enjoyed moments of silence where I could focus on God’s presence.  I lit a candle, remembering what God has done in my life.  I prayed for friends, family, and neighbors.  For the first time all week, I felt a sense of peace.  Simply setting aside a block of time where I knew I couldn’t do anything else made a huge difference.  The craziness of life re-emerged when I walked out the door, but I felt able to entrust it all to God.

I enjoy a busy schedule, but sometimes things get to be a bit much even for me.  Quiet time with God brings perspective to a crazy life.  God remains in control.  I can fall into God’s loving arms and know that everything will be ok.  I am thankful that Carol Purcell and Brenda Szuberski have decided to coordinate the ‘Gathering for Music and Prayer.’  I got to come, not as the pastor to lead things, but as a fellow traveler on the journey of faith.  I highly recommend it!  Thursdays at 8:00 at Peace!

God's Work...Carla and Heather's Hands

Yesterday I saw God at work!

Shannon and I celebrated our 20^th anniversary. While some couples go away to remote,

romantic locations, we had other ideas.  We got to spend the whole day ay Mayo Clinic (who can beat that for romance)!  Shannon had a day of lab draws, doctor’s appointments, and chemo.  We’ve endured this kind of regimen for over nine years now (nearly half of our married life) and we understand the routine of it all.  In many ways yesterday was just another Mayo day, but who wants to ‘celebrate’ 20 years of marriage by receiving a drug that basically poisons the body to fight cancer cells?     It has a way of sucking the joy out of an anniversary day!

From time to time the reality of what Shannon endures hits home.  Battling cancer is no picnic.  Yesterday the ‘routine’ of her chemo got disrupted when she started to have an allergic reaction to the drug (let me tell you, that got the chemo nurses moving in a hurry!).  While they anticipated that over time she would build an allergy to it, we had hoped that she could hold out for more treatments.  This means that instead of an outpatient chemo day where they give it to her in a quick 30 minutes she will now have to be admitted to the hospital and get the same drug administered over 24 hour period to sneak it in without her immune system noticing.  Just what we wanted to hear…more time at Mayo.  Lovely. 

In the midst of the downer of a day we received a ray of sunshine.  When the nurse brought Shannon back to receive her treatment we were taken to a room in the far corner of the chemo ward.  Usually Shannon just gets a chair surrounded by many others.  We relished the idea of getting a quiet room of our own.  When we got there, we were greeted by a “Happy 20^th Anniversary” sign on the wall, beautiful flowers and snacks on the bedside stand, and even ‘spa socks’ for Shannon to cuddle into.  Seriously!  Who gets to have happy surprises on Gonda 10??  Chemo wards are usually not the place for them. 

The nurse initially assumed that I had orchestrated the whole thing and was quite surprised when my eyes grew large in shock.   After asking around, we found out that some ‘elves’ had come by earlier that morning to drop things off (the only ID we had was that they were ‘Mayo nurses from some other area).  Someone from the ward took the time to set it all up (including the sign on the wall).  A lot of work and planning went into the whole thing.  I was floored!

After some crack investigative work, I was able to pin down two culprits: Carla Brunsvold and Heather Ohl.  The two of you may have simply thought that you were doing a kind deed, but God used your hands yesterday.  A little light shone into a pretty crappy situation.  I still smile when I remember it.  Your act of caring will live on in ‘Reuss lore’ for many years.

Thank you Carla and Heather.  Thank you God for using them in such a cool way.