Child Sexual Abuse - It's time for the church to be part of the solution, not the problem

One in four females will be sexually abused by the time she is an adult.

One in eight males will be abused by the time he is an adult.

These statistics are based on studies that define sexual abuse in terms of ‘contact’ offenses such as fondling or rape.

 These numbers are shocking.  At my congregation (Peace Lutheran Church) we have roughly 300 members, so if we’re average that means 38 women and 19 men in our midst have been abused at some point in their lives.  If this is your history, you are not alone.

People have the perception that perpetrators of abuse are these ‘strange’ people hiding in the woods.  The reality is that only 10% of abuse comes from strangers.  60% of perpetrators are known by the children or their families.  30% are family members.  Those that young people trust the most betray them.  I can’t imagine the pain and the shattered trust that this brings.  Some of you know it all too well.  

Over the past years ‘the church’ has been a part of the problem.  Perpetrators have used the trust given in congregational settings to prey on vulnerable children.  While Catholic priests have received much of the press, the reality is that this issue has hit every denomination and church body.  Clergy and lay volunteers have gained access to kids with little or no supervision.  Terrible acts have been committed.  Lives have been shattered.  A pastor friend of mine was abused as a child by a Vacation Bible School volunteer.  Her life has never been the same.

After too long the church has awakened to the fact that something has to be done.  Congregations like Peace now do background checks on volunteers who work with kids.  This is just a small part of what we do.  We built a building with very few places to go and ‘hide’ from others.  Everything is open for all to see, with windows on each door.  We insist that multiple adults work with our youth at all times so we can all see each other and keep everyone safe. These actions are no different than the Boy Scouts or other organization that works with kids.  It doesn’t mean that we don’t trust people.  We want to provide the best, safe environment for all people, young and old.

Preventing sexual abuse in the church setting is a start, but as people of God it is not enough.  While ‘we’ have been a part of the problem in the past, it’s time for us to be a part of the solution.  While keeping people safe in our own buildings, we must be God’s people out in the world, keeping an eye out for the signs of abuse in the young people we encounter.  The sooner we recognize the signs of abuse the quicker we can put an end to it and begin the healing process.

The warning signs of abuse in small children:

·         Complaining about people or activities they used to like

·         Becoming isolated

·         Major behavior change

·         Unexplained anxiety

·         Sudden onset of bedwetting

·         Sudden onset of inability to control bowels

·         Excessively touching themselves

Other warning signs of abuse in older children:

·         Depression

·         Aggressive behavior

·         Moodiness

·         Drastic change in schoolwork

·         Sudden promiscuity of indiscretion in sexual activity

·         Distance from family

It’s easy to think that these kinds of things ‘can’t happen here.’  They can…and they do.  One in four females.  One in eight males.  It’s happening here.

Those abused tend to feel overwhelmed with shame.  They fear telling anyone about what someone has done to them.  It’s time to show love for our young people by being bold to ask questions and stand up for them.  It’s time to keep an eye out for potentially dangerous situations; to not keep quiet.  We dare not think, “They are such a nice person, they would never do something as awful that.”  If you suspect ANYTHING you need to speak up.  Talk to a school counselor or pastor.  Call Child Protective Services (or the police).  You don’t need proof, because most perpetrators are good at what they do and won’t let you see any.  Let trained people do the investigating.  If you report in good faith laws are in place to protect you.

One in four females.  One in eight males.  That’s a lot of pain all around us.  As people of God we must do everything in our power to put an end to this.  Let us build strong relationships with young people so they know that they can overcome their shame and have someone to talk to.  Let us keep an eye out for the signs of abuse in the kids around us.  Let us provide safe spaces to minimize the chances of abuse.  Let us err on the side of the vulnerable children. 

Let us also care for those who still live with the lingering effects of abuse in their lives.  Some people have held this secret their entire lives.  How can we provide a loving environment where people will be able to be honest about their pain and will be able to receive the support they need?

God does not intend for anyone to suffer like this.  May God use us to make a difference in the world!